ah, It's been so very long since I last made an entry. I can't access this site from work anymore so my time online is rather limited. I just started a correspondence class being run by Lorrie Wood and Diana Paxson on trance work. It's very basic for me but i like to be included in neat things :) and thought this might be an interestng way to really solidify the basics and maybe even learn something new. Well, Amber just joined the class. >_< I am not happy. She's the last person who should be doing trance work AND well...Heart-sib, you know the rest of *that* story. I"m not sure what steps to take from here. bleh.

Thursday, June 5, 2003 // 11:43 p.m.

This weekend I will be hosting a taufr workshop for a small group of students enrolled in Freya Aswynn's rune course. I'm looking forward to it. I bought more clay. hehheh. Though I swear if it weren't for things like this and rituals and such, i'd never clean my house. more later....

Thursday, February 20, 2003 // 03:30 p.m.

I spent the weekend making runes out of polymer clay and I had so much fun with it that I think I may be leading a study group next month in doing the same thing. *G*

Now mind you, i am the least craft-competant person you will ever meet. Drawing a straight line is difficult for me but making runes: that was just an awful lot of fun! I ran the idea by this study group that I meet with (we're all taking Freya Aswynn's rune course) and they loved the idea of doing that sooooooo looks like I'll get to play with more clay soon. My only conundrum is this: i want to keep one of the sets I made. LOL! I may keep the set I made for my brother and then make him another set later. He mentioned coming up in the spring to visit me so I may wait until then and make him a set when he comes up.

da da da bored today.

Tuesday, January 28, 2003 // 11:07 a.m.

A friend asked me recently how I became involved with the Old Man but I find that He is so interwoven in the last few years of my life that I hardly know where to begin. I tried to answer at least a little bit below...but it hardly begins to explain, the experience, well...I have no words for the experience. I am very shy about expression my love for Him verbally, a thing He teases me on occassionally. I will try though and we can take it from here.It would be nice to have a record.

I don’t remember when I first knew Odin was hovering around me, beckoning, waiting, whispering, enticing. Loki came first, to tease my heart into opening and trust. He warned me that Odin loved me and I was terrified, absolutely terrified fear coiling like a serpent in the pit of my belly. But that fear hid something else, something I couldn’t then admit: hunger, desire, anticipation. For I felt Him, oh, I tasted His presence at the edges of my consciousness and I yearned.…..I had known Odin as rune-teacher, Allfather, God of the Tree and for years I had danced ever closer to Him. He was patient, oh so patient and smug. He courted me, gentled me like one would a wild horse, leading me into His embrace so deftly that it was as if I came of my own will, when it was His…and mine together.

I knew I loved Him long before I ever felt the first touch of His callused hands. Many times I have played horse to His rider, each time more intense than the last until it is as though we are one consciousness, seamless. I reach out and surge into Him even as He descends to penetrate me. And He penetrates to deeper depths within my soul than even I knew existed. He called me, claimed me, named me through the voice of another horse. I wed Him and flew to Him like a moth to flame finding burning, but also rich sanctuary in His arms. He has been tender with me, even as He has challenged. He fills me with each breath, shields me in His cloak, enfolds me in His arms and always, always, there is ecstasy. He has become my world, my breath, my joy and delight. Where I am broken, frightened, wounded beyond breath: He is patient and tender. (He told me once that He cherished my broken places). Where I am confident and fierce, He is joyous and smug and the rich sweetness of His presence overwhelms me. As bride, warrior and oracle I rest in His arms. No other companion than this do I ask for my life’s journey, no other boon, no other treasure than what I share with Him.

Monday, January 13, 2003 // 03:50 p.m.

I betook myself to prayer
and in every lonely place
I found an altar.

---Elizabeth
bondwoman & minister
born in Maryland 1766.

Friday, January 10, 2003 // 04:24 p.m.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

We had our first snow of the winter yesterday and getting home was treacherous. The shortest way from the subway station to my house is over a huge overpass and behind a school. There are roughly twenty stairs up, a small platform then twenty more stairs, the overpass which crosses over a major highway, then twenty stairs down, a small platform and another twenty. Usually traversing this is no problem but yesterday it was late, my boots were encrusted with snow, the stairs were A) covered w/ hard packed snow B) slippery and wet and C) too blasted narrow for my foot to fit on completely. I couldn’t get any purchase going down. Finally, in desperation, I sat down on the top step (figured my butt is big enough to give me some padding LOL!), and SLID all the way down dragging bokken bag and gym bag behind me. Admittedly several cars stopped thinking perhaps I had fallen and couldn’t get up hee hee but I was fine. At the bottom, I looked up from whence I had slid and said “ that was fun. I want to do it again.” LOL! But I didn’t.

Friday, December 6, 2002 // 10:29 a.m.

Got my fifth kata. *does a happy dance* got it within a week of the fourth. hee hee. Aiming for #6 now. la la la

Thursday, December 5, 2002 // 09:50 a.m.

I offer prayers to the Goddess of Healing Eir: Divine Physician, Healer of all ills, Please bestow strength and healing on WMC's mother. Let her recovery from surgery be speedy and sure. Bless her with strength and vitality. Hail, Eir.

Wednesday, November 20, 2002 // 09:07 p.m.

This is the body of the letter I just sent to the FOI Archpriestess who has been handling this 'case'. I have omitted her name. Whether or not I withdraw largely depends on the response to this.

I've been thinking about this situation over the past week or so and it continues to disturb me. I have a right to know who my accusors are. This is not some witch trial out of the medieval age. This person/persons can slander me with impunity leaving me with no way to defend myself. This has cost me valuable contacts and a friend in the community and even with Lady Olivia's wise words, i cannot reconcile myself to that. I desperately want to know WHY someone would choose to spread such lies and this I cannot begin to figure out until I know who the culprit is. I begin to think these rumors started in the Iseum that trained me and that just sickens me. I'd like to know essnetially whether these rumors were started out of malice or sickness, for my own peace of mind. One thing is certain: it at least explains the nature of some of the applicants we've had in the past few years (and kindly turned away suggesting other groups).

Ever since I was ordained, I have looked upon my work within the Fellowship, my work as a priestess with a sense of personal pride, knowing that everything I do reflects for good or ill not only on me as a priest but on the Gods I represent by virtue of being a priest and on our lyceum and order. I have made Ma'at my guide for all that this has been at times uncomfortable. Perhaps it is simply that this renewed harassment comes in the wake of a very tumultous year for me personally, but I find myself more and more dis- illusioned with teaching and with the FOI community as a whole.

Here i inserted my name and the name of our Iseum/Lyceum.

Wednesday, November 20, 2002 // 04:51 p.m.

Fellowship of Isis

I am seriously considering closing the Iseum/Lyceum officially and withdrawing our membership from FOI solely on the basis that they refuse to give me the name of the person or persons who originally slandered us (and continues to do so). I have a right to know who my accusors are. This is not some fucking witch trial from the medieval age.

I'm sick of the continual marginalization. I work my ass off for these fucking people and this is my thanks. I was a good priest. Now, they can all go fuck themselves.

So, WMC, Jess, Anyone else who reads this and actually gives a damn: thoughts on FOI and our withdrawal?

Wednesday, November 20, 2002 // 04:30 p.m.

Spoken by Loki to cheer me:

At the doorway to me/my soul/being a sign: "under construction"

Wednesday, November 20, 2002 // 03:47 p.m.

Friends aren't there only when it's convenient.

But of course, I can be disregarded w/ impunity. Why would I ever expect anything different?

...many words with Odin tonight as He slowly strips me of the ability to feel.

A separate musing: loyalty is the greatest of virtues even over faith. And it is a damning one.

I HATE being.

Wednesday, November 20, 2002 // 03:47 p.m.

I don't know if I agree w/ this :P

I Am A: True Neutral Half-Elf Ranger

True Neutral characters are very rare. They believe that balance is the most important thing, and will not side with any other force. They will do whatever is necessary to preserve that balance, even if it means switching allegiances suddenly.

Half-Elves are a cross between a human and an elf. They are smaller, like their elven ancestors, but have a much shorter lifespan. They are sometimes looked down upon as half-breeds, but this is rare. They have both the curious drive of humans and the patience of elves.

Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of NeppyMan!

Tuesday, November 19, 2002 // 12:12 p.m.

Ah yes, life just keeps getting curiouser and curiouser. >_<

Roughly two years ago, our Lyceum was slandered directly to the foundress. We were accused of (iirc) "vampirism," "bloodletting" and something else along those lines...I don't recall the exact charge. It was utter bullshit then and now. We have not then nor will we ever do the type of things they were describing. A full investigation was launched by FOI, I submitted full descriptions of our rituals and a full record of the problems we'd been having in the community which have been numerous. Apparently claiming the designation "warrior" for oneself opens one up to endless accusations and abuse. I'm sick of it. FOI refused to tell me who initiated the slander so I have no way of knowing if it is a potential student that we declined to take on acting out her angst or (as I sadly feel is possible) the Lyceum that trained me. I left amidst some jealousies and misunderstandings that at the time I was too ill to correct. I never thought anyone would stoop to outright lying. I'm at a loss as to how to deal w/ this. This crap has cost me a potential friend. I've written to the FOI Archpriestess who headed the original investigation begging for the name of the person who started the slander but as she was unwilling to divulge this info. then, I hardly think I'll have better luck now. The whole thing just disgusts me but does give me some indication of why we haven't been getting decent students.

Thursday, November 14, 2002 // 11:00 a.m.

What's your Battle-Cry?
this quiz was made by Aroihkin of PlanetKulitron

Friday, November 8, 2002 // 01:39 p.m.

It's a fairly benign day so far thankfully. I spent the morning creating a wishlist on amazon. *sighs* It is accessible (or will be in two days) if you search by my email tamyris@earthlink.net I hope people actually look at it. LOL!

Heart-sib, thank you for the talk last night. It helped as did the Old Man later. I still cannot dwell on those things too long....but it does not prey on the mind today.

The squirt is very happy that she is a good minion. You have corrupted this poor child. :P


Three quotes that struck me recently:

Train with such ferocious intensity that war is a vacation.

Cry in the dojo, laugh on the battlefield (I like this one especially. ^_^)

A warrior should be soft as cotton, hard as steel.

Monday, October 28, 2002 // 11:30 a.m.